Greetings to my regular readers and surfers too.
Okay, with this blog post I am announcing a new project. Not sure if I have a catchy enough name for it yet but . . . back in the 90’s, for reasons I can no longer recall, I wrote a book very far outside my usual, it was an inspirational book, in that it extolled the virtues of the special people in our lives: best friends, family, teachers, benefactors, and so on. Each chapter is like the text of a hallmark card, but much more detailed. The book in its entirety is available on Amazon Kindle, but I am packaging the book in a different way: I am making each chapter its own little ebook. For $2.99, you can buy it as a gift and send it to anyone who has an ebook reader.
Now, my problem is, Amazon only shows a small snippet of the text; and since this is a sort of extended greeting card for someone else, it is essential that you be able to read it all first before sending it. What to do? Well, for starters, here is the first individual chapter I put up on Kindle, a little essay on what you might say to your best friend, titled simply, “I Like You.”
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I like you.
I have no particular reason for liking you. There has never been any planning, there has never been any objective logic in the process. Anyone who ever became my friend for a reason never lasted very long. I don’t know why I like you. I just do. I always have. And I always will.
It’s not that there aren’t obvious benefits to liking you. At the top of the list, of course, is that you are fun to be with. You make me laugh. You get my jokes. You don’t criticize me unless I specifically ask you to, and even then, you don’t. You approve of me as I am. You don’t ask me to change. What you don’t like, you politely ignore. And when I do change, you aren’t threatened by it. You just accept it.
But if I had to explain it, well, I guess for starters, one thing I like about you is the fact that there are so many unspoken understandings between us. This is partly because we are so very much alike, but there is more to it than that. There is an inexplicable kind of extra sensory connection here. In a world tangled up with too many words, our communication is not garbled by excessive explanations. All we have to do sometimes is just look at each other, and we know. At times visual contact is unnecessary; very often, even though we may be miles apart, we still manage to remain in touch. I can’t prove it scientifically, and yet there is more to it than mere coincidence. Sometimes we call each other at the exact same moment. You send me little hints and messages, sometimes it’s an odd combination of letters on a license plate, or I will see a street name in a different city that is the same as yours, but such events are more than coincidence, I really do believe that they are affirmations, a little cosmic signal to tell me that you are thinking of me. And this always makes me smile.
With so much in common, we also happen to share many of the same flaws and shortcomings, and so forgiveness and acceptance are easy to come by. It is always so helpful to consult with someone with the same point of view, someone who understands and gives confirmation of my reactions to new and perplexing experiences.
You are a good influence on me, for you keep me honest. You know me so well I can’t get very much past you. You won’t let me get away with anything. You are willing to feel sorry for me, but only to a point. You won’t let me wallow in self pity. You tease me mercilessly whenever I try to gain sympathy I don’t deserve. And in so doing, you express your faith in me. You always remind me of my ability to face the day’s troubles.
There are many times when a more severe crisis hits, and reason is overshadowed by the emotion of the moment. When this happens, we both know we can look to the other and find that bit of objectivity, which is often a saving grace from a near disaster. Whenever I encounter emotional difficulties, whenever I truly need someone to hold my hand for a moment, you are the one I call. You are my own personal support group. Most of the time, just knowing you are there for me makes it unnecessary to call you; that thought of your being there is, by itself, extraordinarily calming. But when I do call you to report an apparent disaster, you always remind me that the sun will most likely come up tomorrow and the earth will probably continue to spin on its axis, at least for the next few days, despite my doubts at the moment. And soon all is again right in the universe.
Even though we are both on emergency call for each other 24 hours a day, seven days a week, we rarely take advantage of that service. In all these years, there have only been one or two instances when we have presented each other with a genuine crisis. These events were hardly a burden; in fact, it was a lot of fun to play superhero and come to the rescue. There are few people that will allow us to openly express our vulnerability like that, even so seldom as once each decade, but in our little private world we accept our mutual human frailty.
Part of the magic at work here is the respect we have for each other’s boundaries. We offer each other that terribly rare commodity called trust. That respect frees us both from having to watch the border too carefully. We know we can both count on the other to be honest, honorable, and forthright, even when it is most difficult to do so.
There are many people in my social network. There are neighbors, fellow club members, old classmates, business associates, lovers, and family. These relationships all have an endless litany of rituals attached to them, and they constantly restate and reaffirm themselves. But you don’t fall into any of these categories. This gossamer connection between us is based on something very different. For all the complex relationships we establish in our day to day lives, a friend like you is there simply because we like each other, and because we are compatible people. Friendships like ours happen all on their own, quite spontaneously. There is no guilt, there are no formalities, we can come and go as we please. The basis for our relationship is simply the enjoyment and support we give to each other. And because of that, unlike so many other social situations, there is complete freedom from worry or concern, for there are no official requirements weighing upon either of us. We have no legal standing, there is no contract binding us together. There is no expected quid pro quo other than enjoying our mutual acceptance. Forgiveness is easy to come by. This magic mix of both freedom and belonging is unlike any other.
We rarely, if ever, discuss this odd sort of mutual chemistry between us. To do so would seem silly to both of us. And yet, I am not sure how I could get through the day without you.
While I can describe all these many elements of our camaraderie, I cannot even begin to explain the how or the why of it. Is there really any way to explain what draws two people together as lifetime pals? Is there any point in trying to find logic or reason in this? Is it just because of common interests? Is it solely because of similar background? I suppose those things are all part of it, but if that is all there is to it, why do you stand out so brightly from so many others who have identical resumes? No, I believe it to be something more magical and mysterious than that. Just what it is, I do not know. I only know the energy– the feeling– exists, and that’s why I like you, just as you are.
Your presence in my life is a treasure, but I hesitate to use such a word, for it risks equating this priceless energy with something material, and such comparisons inevitably falter and fail. There is no way of counting, or storing, or exchanging with someone else the wealth we share between the two of us. For this reason our friendship becomes ever more precious because, unlike pearls which can be cultivated, or gold that can be discovered, there is no knowing what we have, what it is made of, or how we found it. It just seems to have found us. This kind of wealth can never be locked up in a box, it needs no guards or security, and it can it never be stolen. It can only be lost if we ever make the mistake of not understanding just how lucky we are to have been given such a marvelous gift.
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An “ecard”excerpt from I Believe in You (Words of Appreciation, Admiration, and Encouragement for the Special People in Our Lives) © 2014 Justin Locke
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So if this is something you would like to send to your best friend, well, I suppose you could copy and paste the text from here for free, but I hope you will instead spend what is less than the cost of a regular greeting card and send it to them through Amazon.
I will be doing up other chapters of the book as time permits . . . Thanks for reading, — JL
