This is just a pet theory of mind, but I’m starting to think that people a hundred years from now are going to refer to our era as the Age of Embarrassment.
Being social animals, we all have a fear of feeling like we don’t fit in or are not meeting the community standards. We need approval and acceptance from others of our species, so if we do something really wrong, the feeling of embarrassment is a great motivation to get back in line.
Unfortunately, our dread of embarrassment has actually been purposefully ratcheted up to an unhealthy degree. I know many people who are deathly embarrassed by the fact that their body does not fit the current fashion. They seek to conceal their physical differences, or they will starve themselves inappropriately, or have pieces of silicone inserted surgically. We are inundated with training via advertisements for various toiletry items to be incredibly embarrassed if we emit the slightest odor or have the slightest discoloration in our skin or a variation in dryness or texture in our hair. I wonder if the pioneers could have made it across the continent if they were half as concerned as we are about dandruff, split ends, or the natural color of our teeth.
Now that they don’t allow corporal punishment in schools, the one bit of leverage teachers have left is the fear of embarrassment. This works with all but the worst mini miscreants. This is one more reason to maintain a fear of embarrassment rather than lessen it.
Our political discourse is often a constant attempt to embarrass those who have opposing political views. Much as I love watching The Daily Show, it is a pity that whatever politician said or did the most embarrassing thing today is what gets the most attention from most of the press.
So this is one of those times where my artistic training is coming in very handily.
As one goes through the process of becoming a professional musician, one must face the dire specter of the fear of embarrassment. If you don’t overcome it, you cannot function as a professional performer. You learn to be extremely honest and accepting of your imperfect self.
Popular culture is bad enough, but one of my many complaints about the typical educational experience is that it tends to make people more afraid of embarrassment, not less so. This is the exact opposite of what it should be doing. We create inflated templates of self-expectation, and the more inflated those self images are, the more fearful we become of them being deflated.
Unfortunately, the more people are afraid of embarrassment, the easier it is to manipulate them, so there is no incentive for people in authority to lessen the fear of embarrassment.
When people are afraid of being embarrassed, this is motivates them to try and make sure that someone else gets embarrassed first. It leads to poor sportsmanship, poor losers, bullying, inability to cope with adversity, and it is certainly a drag on creativity and leadership. The fear of embarrassment will stop you from doing anything that might invite derision from others. It’s a good thing the Wright brothers were not afraid of embarrassment. In fact, the ability to manage that fear is a key element of success, as much as talent and opportunity.
I’m starting to understand now that one of the primary reasons I wrote “The Principles of Applied Stupidity” was to address this very problem. The fear of embarrassment is so ubiquitous in our culture it’s hard to see it.
I could talk about management and leadership techniques till I’m blue in the face, but if you really want to get at the core of most of the issues, one must dig out the fear of embarrassment and deal with it. Once you do that, your unique capabilities will have freedom to manifest themselves without fear of someone telling you how stupid you look when things don’t go perfectly the first time.
© Justin Locke
