No one likes to be embarrassed (well, practically no one), so of course we endeavor to avoid it whenever possible. However, a certain amount of minor embarrassment is part and parcel of life in general, and if you are going to do anything creative or innovative or enter into unknown territory, the potential for feeling embarrassed increases. Therefore, to be effective at anything you have to have a reasonable amount of “embarrassment management skill.”
I will say at the outset that, being a professional performer, I had to learn how to manage embarrassment fear (specifically, stage fright) early on in my career. This was one of the most important skills I learned in life, as I often look around me and see people who are passing up major opportunities for self-fulfillment because they can’t handle the thought of the slightest amount of potential negative result.
Part of the problem of embarrassment fear is that an awful lot of people in marketing are eager to increase your fear of embarrassment, as it’s a great way to encourage you to buy stuff. There was a recent ad for a debit card that tried to imply that you should be embarrassed if you (gasp) ever write a check. There was no logical argument, there was just his implication that it’s shameful and wrong, and if you do it in public, strangers will look at you like you’re an idiot.
In a similar vein, there is a Michael Jordan T-shirt ad where they are pointing and making fun of a guy who’s T-shirt collar is somehow inappropriately wrinkled. Gee whiz, ya know, the T-shirt is perfectly good, and who knows, maybe the guy can’t afford a better T-shirt, or maybe he likes the way it looks . . . But instead of making a logical argument, it’s so much easier to strike at a more vulnerable point, i.e. our fear that people are laughing at us.
Schoolteachers are all too aware that order can be maintained with the rowdiest of children by threatening them with public embarrassment. If this technique was used on you in elementary school (and it probably was), it may live on in your subconscious is an unresolved trauma, limiting your actions to this day, for no good reason.
Up to a certain point, fear of embarrassment, that is, becoming conscious of the fact that you’re doing something that is socially unacceptable, is actually pretty good thing. But all too often I find people who have gone overboard with it.
If you are going to innovate, or if you are going to lead, you are essentially disconnecting yourself from at least the middle of the bell curve. Every time you do something artistic that displays your unique spirit to the world, you are running the risk of someone pointing at it and laughing because they don’t understand it, and they are directing their own fear of embarrassment (i.e. sticking out) at you. And if you advocate a slightly different political viewpoint, instead of respecting your viewpoint, your opponents will try to laugh at you and embarrass you into silence, as that's the easiest and quickest way to counter most opposition. Hey, it works.
One of the reasons I wrote “Principles of Applied Stupidity” (and why I dared to title that way) was to begin the process of dragging these fears out into the light. I could talk about artistic freedom and arts education until I’m blue in the face, but until this core fundamental limitation is addressed and put in its proper perspective, the good stuff some people have to offer will be forever inhibited. The book re-examines the supposed unbearable and unspeakable “sins” of imperfection, mistake making, and just being slightly different. It's not very complicated; it's more about just having the courage to face the fear.
There’s a lot to be said for learning new things, but there’s also a lot to be said for “unlearning” limiting thoughts and feelings. It’s a dirty job, but someone has to do it.
© Justin Locke
