One of the cool things about having a blog is that when people surf into it from Google, I can tell what search terms they used. I’m amazed at how many search terms result in my blog getting mentioned in the top 10 search results. One of these is the phrase “fear of failure.” In writing “Principles of Applied Stupidity,” I have inadvertently become something of an expert at failure.
In researching fear of failing and failure in general, since it seems to be such a hot topic, I thought I would add another blog entry on failure and overcoming one’s fear of it.
Something that just occurred to me today, was how we define the word “failure.”
When you are in grade school, failure is not so much a measure of brain power as it is really defined as lacking the willingness to follow orders and do the work you are told to do. The work is geared at such a level that anyone willing to sit and unquestioningly do the repetitive scutwork can pass. (Btw, the ease of the work makes not doing it at an at least adequate level even more of a shaming experience . . . ) But if your constitution rebels at this sort of forced activity, and you are one of those children who do not immediately do as they are told, and you have difficulty doing things for which you see no point, well, in the context of a hierarchical obedience-training system, yes indeed, you are a “failure.” Just exactly whose failure, ah that’s another story. The school is in charge but they blame you for the lack of success of the system. Interesting approach.
There is no shame in failing, especially failing at something you have no interest in and have no use for. So the buried trauma that people have that is called “fear of failure” is not about the work not done, the goal not reached, nor is it of the failing grade. The real fear is social; it is really the fear of the look of disapproval from teachers/ parental authority figures, which, to a child, can feel like a near-death experience. The only “failure” in this case was the failure to be obedient to an arbitrary standard and system, but the pain and terror (of what, to a child, looks like real live imminent emotional and/or physical oblivion), is rather severe.
Horrific as such things are, this is not fear of failure. Failure is normal, failure is commonplace, failure is an inevitable byproduct of trying to do difficult things . . . And yes, it can be vexing. But fear of failure, no, that’s not it. What we’re talking about here is fear of re-living a horrific soul-murdering experience, of being socially ostracized for not following rules, and any sane person would have fear of that. While I can see the benefit of using fear of such potential negativity to make kids behave and be quiet in the short term, what this costs us in terms of lost innovation down the road, I shudder to think.
When we talk about widespread fear of failure, we are really talking about fears stemming from past childhood trauma, and it is the high incidence of people having such experiences in school that makes me endlessly question the way we teach our children. I just know we can do better.
© Justin Locke
